A wave of darkness began to swallow the city of Santiago. Seconds before, the lights of this Chilean city were rolled out beneath me like a star lit canvas.
As the high rise apartment building that held me began to sway, I heard everything crashing around me.
The spray of water from a nearby fish tank splashed at my feet, dishes were thrown to the floor and a complete blackout engulfed me. I found myself paralyzed with fear, no longer knowing what my next steps were to regain a sense of safety.
Although this was my first and only earthquake, this was not the only time in my life I felt like I was trying to establish safety for myself while fumbling in the dark.
My first major soul spelunking expedition was when I found myself at a loss of how to create community as an adult. Gone were the grade school days in which I could turn to the person next to me and simply ask if they wanted to be my friend. So out I went into the world looking for my people.
I began cleaning at a local yoga studio so I could take classes and hopefully meet other little weirdos just like me. It didn’t take long to become a student not only of the Asana practice but of the philosophy itself. Shortly after, I enrolled in my first of five Yoga Teacher Trainings.
No one warned me that yoga is a gateway that once opened marks a point of no return. I began to hear about the different types of intuition and walked through yet another door that embarked me on my three year apprenticeship under a Shamanic Curandera.
I relearned about my connection to nature, energy work, and the sacred rituals that allow us to hold the thread of our connection to the earth, one another, and how to honor the passage of time.
I have always felt called to hold space for others. What I didn’t know was that before I could grow into my paws I would now be tested by fire. I was in fact part of the Marshall fire evacuation that swept through Boulder county. Much like the neighborhoods that were burnt down to the ground, my life went up in flames. I was entering the club no one wants to be a part of, the Divorce club.
Once again I found myself stumbling along with nowhere to call home and no one to go home to. Like Pablo Picasso I now entered my “Blue Period”. But unlike his Blue Period, mine just felt like being dragged through the dirt, face down. My heart was shredded, and I had lost the family that had shown me how to show up for one another. It was to my surprise that it was truly the kindness of strangers that helped me make my way to the other side. One of which, pointed me towards Plant Medicine.
It was through the container of Plant Ceremony along with all my other studies that I was able to piece myself back together. I began to learn how to: take up space, see past distortion, begin to trust myself, listen to my inner voice, build safety from within, and hold myself so that I could begin to hold space for the inner world of others.
As a certified Parts Practitioner I have now been able to weave the lessons of my journey together. By discovering how to slow down, go inside and be with my inner world/system I am now able to share a roadmap back to self through one on one Soul Sessions.
What does this all mean for you?
If you find yourself fumbling through the dark it would be my deepest honor to walk with you as you remember who you are.